Happy Birthday, Mr. Shoopah

Liz said something to me a few days ago that really resonated with me.

 

“You don’t get to choose the kind of suffering you have. You get to choose how you suffer.”

 

In context she was responding to physical pain, but I thought it was a really perfect sentiment for the entire week.

 

Monday, January 25th was Bryan’s birthday. He would have been 27.

 

Last year on Bryan’s birthday I planned a day of surprises.

 

We did this:

 

• I made him a giant breakfast (& only set the fire alarm off twice)

 

• Went on a distillery tour at Bully Boy

 

• Ate doughnuts at Blackbird

 

• He got a straight razor face & head shave

 

• Bry experienced his first pedicure ((which he totally enjoyed))

 

• Went to a fancy dinner. Read: lots of oysters & champagne

 

• Went to a bar down the street from dinner where a group of his best friends were waiting to surprise him.

 

I planned this entire day & made him drive/walk in circles so he didn’t know where we were going. I remember almost every moment of it in perfect detail. Including having this conversation with Caitie while he was recapping the day with his friends across the bar:

 
Me: “Look at that man! Do you see him? Look how handsome he is! Isn’t he so handsome?” 

Caitie: “That’s my cousin.”

Me: “Yeahhhhh….but look at him!”

 

We had so much fun.

 
And then there’s this year…. We all knew Bryan’s birthday was going to be a rough time. But if something is going to suck, I might as well make it memory worthy. Also, planning things out & making lists soothes me.

 

 

So here’s what we did this year:

 

• Caitie and I went to the spa and got a foot treatment specifically designed to help you move forward from things that trouble/worry you. (Thanks, MK <3)

 

• Met Laura & Lila for giant (in my case veggie) burgers and those insanely over the top milkshakes that were all over the internet last month.

 

• Went home and relaxed/digested/chatted/meditated (Caitie meditated…I curled my hair & harassed the cat)

 

• Nzinga and Sarah came over for snacks & chats (We were supposed to watch Stomp The Yard, but got distracted)

 

• The whole gang (including Randye & Eric) went to a hockey game.

 

And then we all said goodbye/Caitie and I cried outside of Barclays for a solid few minutes/my roommates & I got Thai food.

 

It was sad and celebratory and exactly what I hoped it would be.

 

 

So here are my thoughts for you this week:  you don’t get to choose what type of pain you are handed, and everyone is handed something. You can only choose how you deal with it. And on the 25^th, I chose to be with some people I love & to remember the person we loved.

 

I think Bry would have been pretty pleased. (But real talk: would have fucking HATED the foot massage)

<3

 

And now I leave you with pictures from birthdays past and present. There were supposed to be more, but for some reason they are all uploading topsy-turvy?

 

Internet.

 

 

 

 

And finally, I leave you with the absolute best thing.

These are my beautiful angel roommates, WHO WROTE A SONG FOR ME AND CAITIE. They performed this post hockey game & Nzinga caught it on video. Somehow I (accidentally) managed to make it an audio recording and get it on here.

 

 

If you’d like to have a listen…here you go:

 

Thank you, friends for helping me see the good in the world every day. I love you.