After PMC weekend we had our 2nd (?) Annual “Lobster Fest”. Which is where our fearless leaders MK and Beth arrange for giant lobsters to make their way to wherever we are staying… then everyone eats their body weight in lobster. Except Meg, because allergies. (Hi, Meg!) This past PMC Bryan was on a lot of […]
Dreams and 10Ks
Something has been weighing pretty heavily on me for the past few days. I’ve written before that I’m not sure if I believe in signs from Bryan. That I don’t see them and it makes me sad, that I’m afraid to believe that they might be real, etc. But even as someone who is extremely […]
Regretfully Yours
Lately I have been thinking a lot about my regrets. I guess grieving does that. Regrets that I have: Not spending more time together Not making time/ waiting for more “convenient”times to do some of the big things on our list of stuff to do together (trips, events, etc) Saying horribly mean things while angry […]
Birthday Bumps
If you’re reading this you may know that I turned 25 a few days ago. I spent the majority of my birthday week in California, which made a hard day a whole lot lovelier. A brief overview of the day: A homemade birthday breakfast with the cutest balloons A surprise delivery of flowers & amazing presents sent all the way from […]
Ever to Excel
This was Bryan’s tattoo, but it was written in ancient Greek. Because he’s Bryan. Here is a list of all the things that I am **not** excelling at: -Getting enough sleep -Waking up on time -Eating a balanced diet #doritos (don’t judge me) -Washing my face nightly -Taking my contacts out before falling asleep -Putting […]
Pump Up Song of 2015
I turn 25 a week from Thursday & I have a lot of feelings about it. #feelingsfeelingsfeelings On the bright side, I am lucky enough to be spending a large chunk of next week in California. Ariel: keeping me sane since 2011. Part of that weekend will be spent celebrating & honoring […]
Unfair
Normally when a relationship ends it’s because two people are done with one another. They choose to part ways. They choose to move on. They choose to say goodbye. Bryan and I didn’t choose. We weren’t done. In a lot of ways we hadn’t even really begun yet. Unfair Not based on or behaving […]
A Couple Inches Taller
There comes a point in the day, week, or month that you feel like you’ve cried enough. That you’ve come to a point where there are no more tears inside your body; that any more will lead to dehydration & that it is physically impossible to shed one more drop. And then you’re wrong. […]
Mantis Scramps
It’s hard to remember Bryan as he truly was, not as he was that last week. So here is a tiny happy memory for those of you having trouble…. I first heard about mantis shrimp during Bryan’s last visit to NY. Cliff Notes version: MK and Jeff drove Bryan down to spend a weekend […]
I Understand
I dreamt about Bryan for the first time on October 10th. It was brief. He was in a hospital bed, but he was like he was before. Totally alert, totally present, moving around, gesturing like crazy, and telling stories. I got to hug him and I felt his cheek on mine. And then I […]